the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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