Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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