do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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