pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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