Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
