I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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