You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
