just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we made out on top of his cat.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
