She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
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I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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