the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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