I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
