Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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