Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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