she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
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also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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