Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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