he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
