He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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