I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
