remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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