She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
