i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
