Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
