planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
