so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
