Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
