i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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