birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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