It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
