So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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