I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
