so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
