Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?