I wish I could teleport
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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