: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
