my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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