Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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