wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
