don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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