Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize