he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
