Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
