so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
