I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
