would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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