____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
