she woke up with a sticky ear
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
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