I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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