Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
