I'm eating all of the evidence.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
