a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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