Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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