I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
