people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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