That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You smell like stripper and shame
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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