dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
