I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
