I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
