My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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