Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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