East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
