how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
