Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
