So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
