you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
