it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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