I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
