I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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