Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
