My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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