You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
ugly people sure do ruin things
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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