Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
