if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dick very happy bro
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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