Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
