The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
