she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
