Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
