He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
